more than a haircut

so i got my haircut yesterday. a normal activity to all, yes? we've all gone in to whatever stylist we go to to trim away the ever growing hair that maifests out of our scalp. some more than others... sorry guys. it just happens.

getting your haircut is a weird experience. first i have a complete stranger create a new look for me when he or she does not know anything about my life. how do they know what i like? how do they know what i do? they don't, yet in a few inadequate sentences i'm supposed to describe to them what i want to look like on a day to day basis. can't i just say, "make me look hot," and they should instantly go at it. no they can't, cause "hotness" is a subjective opinion. try describing how you want your hair cut in another language... it's near impossible.

luckly this day, brendan didn't feel like talking and neither did i. it was a nice change from the shallow chit chat that goes on when you get your haircut. it's a forced intimacy i still don't know how to deal with. i mean, they are right there, creating my image, and i can't really say "hey, i don't feel like talking. do you mind if you do your thing and i do mine?" no it's either conversation or silence. luckily i got silence.

i guess the wierd thing about my cut is that i felt depressed at the end of it. for one thing i never really like my haircut when i first get it. i know it will grow out and eventually look better, but right when i'm down i feel a sense of embarrassment and a feeling "why did i ask for so much off?" this has become normal part of the experience for me. i ran this thought by my friends and they disagreed saying they always felt better at the end of their cut. wierd. maybe i need to find a new place. i guess a few times i walk out thinking i look good, but usually i feel disappointment in the finished product. at least it's shorter...

this time was the same, but i noticed something. i'm forced to stare at my face for a good half hour... and i find that depressing. it seems as the time passes i feel worse and worse about myself. it's like i'm being forced to notice the imperfections and i can't look away. i don't know, does anyone feel me on this? maybe i'm weird and i'm the minority who doesn't like to look at themselves all day. there are times when i think i look good. it's mostly in airplane bathrooms. the light in their is great... i feel like i'm in a modeling shoot. maybe it's the closeness of the mirror... i don't know. but then there are times when i look into the mirror and i think "ugh, maybe i should get an extreme makeover." it's like photographs. how come some photographs i look awesome in and some i look gastly? am i only good looking half the time in reality and the other half i look less than great? or is it just a constant mediocre? strange thoughts... but none the less i was glad to not be looking at myself any longer when i walked back outside into the crisp autumn air.

anywho, it was a strange event. smalll compared to the rest of my days events. but impactful non the less.