Carlsbad Marathon & Sometimes Arting is Awkward

This last weekend, i painted at the Carlsbad Marathon in Calrsbad, CA.  60 people were running for Heart for Africa, raising money to build a school in Swaziland for 200 orphans.  Heart for Africa ended up being one of the official non-profits for the marathon, which is huge.  I was invited to come down and paint at this event in hopes that the paintings i made would be auctioned off and most of the proceeds would be donated to the El Shaddai school.  

Everyone who was involved is great and holly and i had the best time down there.  my props to caroline mcgraw for putting all this together and all her tireless work for the children who have very little hope in africa.  she is doing all she can for them, and it is an inspiration to anyone to see the joy in choosing to do what God really said about taking care of orphans and widows. and to the mcgraw family, you guys rock!  thanks tom for letting me use you wetsuit and board for a great time in the water.  shaun and ian, "bien sur, je vous veux!" lauren and christen, you're my D O double G's.

Some thoughts:

I think with anyone who is an artist and especially if there is a performance aspect to your work, you are definitely going to come across moments that are awkward and embarrasing.  I like what i do, and i think the creating in public places is a very cool and engaging thing.  but it works better in certain situations than others.  it works well with musicians in a concert setting, with speakers, in churches or music halls... but at 730 in the morning in a parking lot during a marathon... it just felt a little out of place to me.  now understand, i might be one of the only people who feel this way.  many people expressed enjoyment, wonder, and thanks that i was there and that they loved my work.  in fact, the woman who puts on the 3rd largest marathon in the nation came up to me and said how much she enjoyed me there and i was invited to come back next year.  pretty cool.  but as i was painting african orphans on sunday morning, on bleachers in front of a stage with a cheesy cover band playing, while people are stretching out all around me, i couldn't help but feel a little out of place.

there was one point when all of our group was at the finish line cheering on the runners, and i was there by myself, that i particularly felt this way.  i was there and there was this thought like "what am i doing here? this is so wierd..."  but even though i was feeling this way, what could i do?  this is what i'm here for, and i have to do it.  

in most every painting i've ever done, there is a point at which i hate the painting and i want to quit.  it's actually a very normal part of painting.  in fact i think it's a very normal part of creating.  i even  think about marriage too... when there is this time that you want to give up and start over... but if you keep going, you can create something better than you ever imagined.  this happens with art, i've learned.  whenever you come to this spot, you have to keep going. if you don't you never know what will come out.  if was easy to get it out, everyone would be an artist.  the difficulty is to keep going to bring that creation out.  that's what makes great art... the perseverence to keep going.

anywho, i wanted nothing more than the permission to leave the steps.  but i knew i couldn't. so i just kept going.  the organizer came over to me.  the paintings were all made.  and then they will be sold and the money will go to orphans in africa. and who knows what else.....  

you only get to find out in completion.  

i never knew that being an artist would make me experience so many moments of vulnerability and awkwardness.  but through all that, it has opened doors of success and achievement.  it seems like these two go hand in hand often.  that's good to know as i keep going.....