worst show ever

www.lessismoretour.com | Fresno, CA


we walked into the "venue" yesterday and immediately began laughing. we were skeptical of the place already, since we found out it was in room 101 of the industrial technology building on the campus of fresno state university. the room was an older lecture hall... off white walls, stadium seating, flourescent lighting.....
all the no no's of creating an intimate concert/conversational setting.

we don't know a lot of people in fresno anyway, so we were relying on the social contacts of the people who were hosting us. it turns out that this friday night was the worst possible night to do a show in fresno... for three artist who don't have very much draw and aren't famous at all. there was a huge high school football game, college sports, college groups retreats for the few people we know... etc etc.

you get the picture.

but we did the show anyway. with ten people scattered throughout the lecture hall. with a mike taped to a metal pole we found in the closet. with flourescent lighting in all it's glory. we did it.

we decided in albany (also a weakly attended show) that no matter how many people came, no matter what the circumstances, we would put on the best show we could. this is a hard thing to do mind you. it's a very vulnerable thing to perform. jason put it this way: it's like growing up in front of an audience. it can be awkward and very personal... but you still have to put it out there. it helps when the venue is fantastic, there is a large crowd with a lot of buzz... these things add to the overall concert experience and being vulnerable on stage is not so bad then. but to be in bad lighting, no audience, horrible sound and setting.... it's just plain old awkward.

this sounds so cliche.... but integrity is not what you do in front of everyone, but what you do in front of no one. integrity is who you are in front of yourself, and how well you live in those circumstances. in this situation, i think anyone would be empathetic to our situation and would not be down on us if we just wanted to bag the whole thing and go hang out with our fresno friends. seriously, it was a poorly planned event. but we decided to do it. and there is something to that.

i know that i will fight feelings of entitlement my whole life. i am a product of my culture. i expect things to be a way and when they are not i am pissed about it and just want to give up and go be comfortable. and i'll admit while performing in a lecture hall, with hardly an audience, and a doubtful monetary payoff for the whole thing, i wanted to just walk off stage and vent to someone about the whole thing.

but i shut my mouth and just did it.

mind you, this action doesn't deserve any recognition or pat on the back. for me it was just another way to keep my ego in check. to keep me humble and realize that what i have isn't the greatest thing in the world. to position me in a stance that says to serve is better than to be served. and that if no one sees this inward struggle, and if there is no pay off... my Lord sees this, and in fact, takes delight in the response to these situations. when it really comes down to it, living the artist life really matters to an audience of One. i could try to judge it against the eyes of men... but his opinions fluctuate constantly to the next big thing and that rat race seems like a dead end street. for me, i believe who i am as an artist and what i do really matter in the eyes of one who never changes.

he gave me this gift. and it's not hard to imagine that at the end of my life, he might want to know how i used it for the good of others. i think these little instances of character matter in the greater scheme of my life. if i can't be responsible in small things, how could i be responsible in the big things i hope to experience and accomplish in my life?

ok... i'll stop be so philosophical.

we had a good laugh at the whole thing.

you can probably see a video on www.lessismoretour.com

so that's that...